I’m putting on ‘Mr Nasty’ hat now, and I apologise to Kelli McCarty and Desiree Anderson in advance, but Celebrity Wine Review has to be a serious contender for the worst wine web content on earth.
Not for one second am I considering myself to be even remotely at the top of this field, hell, I’m quite happy to admit that I’m occupying somewhere in the lower ranks of the wine critic hierarchy, but what I do is actually review stuff and give an opinion based on a bit of knowledge and experience. The couple in this video review website, well, they haven’t a clue what they are doing.
I stumbled across Celebrity Wine Review and found a woman who looks like an ageing porn star reviewing wine. It is clear from the off that she knows nothing about her subject, except what she likes, and it appears to be cheap, $5.99 Pinot Noir from France. Episode 1 starts off with tasting notes such as “super nice” but she gets more excited about a soft drink from San Diego that apparently cleans your palate saying “love it – I don’t have to spit in a bucket”.
Moving on to social issues, she says “we are trying to save trees… and the really cool, on the cutting edge wineries have a screwtop because… we are not killing a tree. Metal (pointing to the screwcap) – not killing a tree” Also, “I love Pinot Noir, because they don’t get all murky like the Merlot’s and the Cabs”… I really give up!
In a later episode, she is joined by her younger friend and, I’m not kidding, it looked as though they were waiting for a man to knock on the door to, ahem, fix their dishwasher. Ms Anderson does a review on an anonymous wine from a market in Spain and then says that there is a great “poultry market with lots of Salami and meats”, as the camera pans round to show a deli counter with not a bird in sight!
Please don’t visit their website if you like wine, it will only depress you.
Postscript: I read what I had just written and thought I was being mean, so I decided to look up these two women to see who they are. Both are models with McCarty being a former Miss USA, and has also appeared on the NBC soap opera Passions as a “sexy-psycho-Orangutan-employing-schemer” called Beth Wallace. Oh, and she is now doing porn! And she was worried about spitting in a bucket?
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