Six of the best? Lidl

A new column, which unusually for this website, gives a degree of customer advice! Here we are going to rate six bottles of wine from a wine retailer. There are a few rules to this, all of which aim to make sure we do the customer and the retailer justice.
1. The wines have to contain words on the label that even the most extreme wine novice has probably heard of. Words like Cabernet Sauvignon, Rioja, Bordeaux, Jacobs Creek, Penfolds are the sort of thing that have to be on the label.
2. There have to be an equal number of reds and whites, so if there is an appealing looking sparkling wine, we have to have only 2 red, 2 white, 1 fizzy and something else.
3. Where possible, we will get someone with bugger all wine knowledge to venture into the retailer to buy these, just to keep things fair.
4. The total cost of all six bottles cannot exceed thirty pounds.

We will give marks out of ten for each wine, and bonus points for them performing well above their price point. If a bottle of plonk costs three quid and tastes like it should be a fiver, it beats a wine that costs and is worth a fiver. Not very scientific but we don’t give a stuff….

First up, the supermarket that sells Sauerkraut, Lidl. Known for its famous brands, or rather lack of them, Lidl isn’t the sort of place that wine lovers would go to buy their weekly booze. But with new shops appearing all over the place, this is a retailer that cannot be ignored. Many people buy their weekly groceries at Lidl stores, and, as the specialist wine merchants can testify, supermarkets are a major threat as they offer the convenience of buying wine with your Spaghetti hoops and toilet cleaner.

The first thing you notice is that Lidl’s wine selection is totally rubbish. Yes, there may be stack upon stack of bottles, but without a single brand name, this is not the sort of place you can go and find a producer you are familiar with. It’s all been imported, probably via Germany, specifically for Lidl and more than likely bottled at the same depot regardless of it’s country of origin. I’m not objecting to the bulk shipping of wine in tanks, I’ve drunk perfectly acceptable UK bottled wines for under a fiver and so where the stuff is pumped into a bottle really doesn’t bother me. But there are wines in Lidl’s range that proudly proclaim “Vinted and Bottled in…” and it appears that they are using this statement to imply quality and provenance, which is a bit concerning.

Finding words that the biggest wine novice would recognise, is not hard. Everything in Lidl has the keywords emblazoned across the label. Bordeaux Sec, Rioja, Shiraz and, of course, Hock are all there staring you in the face. But without staff member who knows anything about wine, you are playing Russian Roulette with your money. So, like the champion of consumer advice that we are (?), we have risked the full chamber of the Lidl gun and tried six wines

2006 Pinot Grigio Delle Venezie - £3.28 (Italy)
With 12% alcohol, and a clear, sunshine yellow colour it looks promising. Not a lot of booze and quite a pretty colour. Then you dunk your nose in the glass to find it has a beautiful bouquet of rotten oranges! It really is bad, with petroleum coming through and then there is this really awful palate of confected banana, bitter orange and a truly horrible finish and way too much alcohol. Then after the finish starts to die down, the alcohol comes back and assaults you, like a bully coming back to give you one last kicking as you lie on the floor with a black eye and a bloody lip. This is so so bad. Points – 2/10

2006 Chablis, Thomas de Ribens - £5.48 (France)
Pretty closed nose, with a touch of lemon zest and a lot of minerally aromas. This is nasty. Palate is fat, oily and bitter with a vastly zesty lemon juice flavour with the seeds and pith thrown in. This is as close to Chablis as Morocco is to Singapore. Fortunately not that much alcohol. Forgetting the fact is apparently a Chablis, this isn’t even a good Chardonnay. It’s rubbish.
Points - 3.5/10

2006 Wine of Australia Chardonnay - £3.99 (Australia)
So sweet with buttery oak and a sort of mango-come-passionfruit-come-pine-resin aroma. There is nothing but fat, overripe fruit and a peppery bitterness. Far too much alcohol too. It is just nasty.
Points - 3/10

2006 Spring Valley Cabernet Sauvignon - £2.84 (South Africa)
This wine only costs £1.08. After the VAT and duty has been taken off, it leaves £1.08 for the production, bottle, label, shipping, profit margin for the producer, and the costs and profit margin for Lidl. Its confected, with a bubblegummy cherry and just a touch of earthy leaf aromas. The palate is dry, stoney fruit with a wallop of leafy dryness and spice. The palate isn’t bad, the nose is though and it spoils it.
Points – 4/10 for the wine, becoming 5/10 for value. Would be 6 or 7/10 if the nose wasn’t so bad.

2006 Wines of Australia Shiraz - £3.99 (Australia)
Sweet jam, a touch of rosemary and Cola flavoured bubblegum. The palate is soft, then confected bramble and a dose of white pepper and a bit bitter Surprisingly decent. I can’t write anything really bad about it, but I can’t write anything good either. It’s a nothing wine.
Points – 4/10

2001 Cepa Lebrel Reserva Rioja - £4.49 (Spain)
A Reserva Rioja for under a fiver? It is totally crap. Terrible oak and ripe strawberry with a strange coconut aroma and half a can of Mr Sheen furniture polish. The palate is nothing but oak, dry and really really awful.
Points 2.5/10

So really, Lidl are providing their customers with rubbish wine. The best was the cheapest, and gained extra points for being the cheapest, making it the clear winner. But what astonished me was how undrinkable the majority of these wines were. You might as well buy some fruit juice and a bottle of vodka as these wines had so much alcohol coming through. There are good wines for under a fiver, you just cannot get them at Lidl!

Total Points – 20/60
Originally posted November 2007
New 'Six of the Best' will start in August 2008