Once upon a time there was a little dumpy bottle of port. Born in 1970, it was his dream to one day be opened, decanted and consumed in a fine house, by fine people with fine cheeses. His name was Niepoort.Little Niepoort had a life of two parts. After being born, he was kept in a wooden box with his brothers and sisters for many years, and he was happy. They would all talk of the day when they would be taken from the box, opened, poured into a decanter, allowed to breath for the first time, and then drunk, surrounded by laughter and merriment. Little Niepoort had a good childhood.
Over time however, little Niepoort's brothers and sisters were taken away to achieve their dream of being drunk . Then one day after he had been on his own for a long time, he was pulled out of his wooden home and little Niepoort thought that his time to be celebrated and consumed had arrived. Sadly for little Niepoort, he was then placed in a cardboard box with other ports. Gone were his familiar surroundings, and he ended up as the only little dumpy bottle surrounded by big, tall bottles called Graham, Taylor and Warre. They bullied little Niepoort for being short and fat. He got older, his bullies were taken away and replaced by younger ports who too picked on poor little Niepoort. As he grew older his wax seal began to crumble, he became tatty around the edges and he wondered if time had passed him by. He heard stories of Americans liking young ports, and knowing he could never be such a big, voluptuous brazen hussy, he resigned himself to the fact he would never be drunk.
Then one day, when little Niepoort was thirty six, he heard a computer printer fire into life. He had heard it many times before and assumed that this would be an order for one of the other ports. Light burst into the cardboard box and a hand descended to him. He got picked up and with a joyous whoop, little Niepoort realised his time had come. He was, for the first time in many years, happy again.
He had heard tales of a mystical protective force known as polystyrene, that bottles who were being shipped to far off lands were encased in. He had never seen polystyrene before but gathered that the white box being put around him must be it. After a week snug in this soft packaging, all the while wondering where he might end up, light fell on his glass again, and another hand grabbed his neck. He was placed on a wine rack in a cool dark vault unaware of what his fate may be.
He made friends with many other wines in the cellar. They told him that the people who had this cellar did not believe in collecting wine, and that every one of them would one day be drunk. This made little Niepoort happy. He didn't mind that the days turned into months, and when the months turned into years, as he knew that one day he would be drunk.
Then, in late March, a hand took hold of Niepoort. He was taken to a dining room, and had his cork pulled. After being poured into an antique decanter, little Niepoort breathed the sweet air that had been stifled by his cork for all these decades. Not since he was a baby grape on the vine in Portugal had he enjoyed the air so much. He sat for numerous hours, waiting for the time he was to be drunk, nervous as to what people would think of him. Would he perform well, would he be undrinkable. Would people enjoy him or was he an old man that was past his best.
He saw glasses. He saw Stilton. He was lifted up and poured into a smooth glass. Swirled around as if he was on a playground ride. He felt the air tickling every part of him as he wooshed around the smooth crystal. Then, after thirty eight years trapped in the dark, he was drunk.
And he tasted rubbish.
The End
Just goes to show that no matter how much you really want a wine to be brilliant, sometimes you are severely disappointed. Niepoort 1970 wasn't bad, just a bit old with middle age spread, fat, buttery, toffee aromas and a chunky, wobbly, bramble jam. The alcohol blast you normally get from Niepoort ports was there and gave it a little spicy, hot interest, but really, this wine, which was very brown with just a hint of ruby in it, was just a disappointment.
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