I can’t figure out if I dislike Nigella Lawson or Ainsley Harriot more. These two ‘celebrity chefs’ make the art of cooking a joke. Lawson’s programmes are all about her being a domestic goddess, with big flirty eyes and even bigger bosoms with praise from her friends for doing sod all work and producing such wonderful food. Harriot on the other hand looks as though he is suffering from a hyperactivity disorder, makes innuendos to pensioners and fondles a two foot long pepper mill that he calls Percy.
Throughout the 1980s, the only celebrity chefs in the UK were Delia Smith and Keith Floyd. On one hand, the Home Economics teacher who wanted to instruct you how to crack an egg, and her polar opposite who would get drunk, travel the world and wear comedy bow ties whilst throwing food onto a plate in a careless manner. You’d love one and hate the other and I always came down in the Floyd camp. However, in the 1990’s, thanks to Ready, Steady Cook, there were more chefs on TV than in restaurants. It became very tricky to pick your favourite as most of them were so dull you really didn’t have an opinion on any of them. I then realised that there was another type of chef, the dull boring chef that creates a fake persona to ‘stand out’ and it is Lawson and Harriot that are the leading examples of this.
I’m not saying that they are bad people, or that they sacrifice small puppies for the location of good truffle hunting grounds, but they appear to go out of their way to be different, by flirting with the camera or doing pelvic thrusts in the direction of a granny. This exaggerated character is worse than being the faceless nobody that most celebrity chefs are as Lawson and Harriot are trying to recreate the personality that Floyd and Smith had in bucketloads, and that really annoys me.
Last week, I found two wine producers from Austria that have become my Delia Smith and Nigella Lawson. One that I dislike with a firey passion, and one that is just trying to draw attention to itself by being different from the crowd, but is, in fact, very dull.
Loimer wines are the Nigella Lawson. Their Gruner Veltliners are so dull, that the only reason anyone would buy them is because they are from Austria and different. If I wanted dull wines I could pick any number of wines from any number of countries that would cost a significant amount less.
Take the 2007 Lois Kamptal Gruner Veltliner. It would cost around the £8 mark and it was like smelling and sucking on a pear drop. It was clean enough, and the finish was pleasant. But it was boring. Then there was the 2007 Loimer Kamptal Gruner Veltliner (£9.99), it was pretty much the same but instead of having confected pears, it had soft, underripe pears. You noticed it was a better wine, but was still boring. Finally, the single vineyard 2006 Loimer Terrassen Gruner Veltliner. Again, slightly better, but so, so dull. I guess, just because the quality was getting better, I’d say I disliked the single vineyard wine least, but I just couldn’t get passionate, in an excessive positive or negative way, about any of them.
However, the red wines from Loimer are my Delia Smith. I hated them! And for that, in a weird masochistic way, I applaud them! The 2004 Heinrich Red (£9) was all bubblegum on the nose, so confected, with terrible cranberry juice hints. The palate was insipid. So weak with more bubblegum. It is a terrible little wine. Then I went onto the 2006 Heinrich Burgenland Zweigelt (£12.50) which had stewed raspberries, a confected sweetness on the nose. The palate, like the other wine, is thin and confected. It has no tannin, and is far too bitter. And despite my total dislike for these red wines, they at least made me pay attention and that is far far better than them being boring.
There is hope however for both Austrian wines and celebrity chefs. Emerging from the mass of annoying cooks is Jamie Oliver. Having left his little cheeky cockney chav persona behind and become more of a 30 something family man, Oliver has become a lot more tolerable, and also a lot more annoying. His appeal to the UK public has become polarised over his school dinner and chickens being kept in cages campaign and as a result, he is leading the way, with Gordon Ramsay and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, back to ‘love-em-or-hate-em’ chefs. Similarly, there is one wine that shows hope to these two producer’s wines. The Loimer 2007 Kamptal Riesling, while not being perfect, shows promise. It has a light, limey aroma – a touch of lime cordial on the palate then a full on citrus attack. Zesty and with a very long, lemony finish. It’s not brilliant, but it is a nice wine and full of character, which, while not being everyone’s cup of tea, makes it so much better than the rest of these Austrian wines. It isn’t a Keith Floyd, and never will be, but it has started petitioning number ten to ban turkey twizzlers and has the potential to become interesting.
Throughout the 1980s, the only celebrity chefs in the UK were Delia Smith and Keith Floyd. On one hand, the Home Economics teacher who wanted to instruct you how to crack an egg, and her polar opposite who would get drunk, travel the world and wear comedy bow ties whilst throwing food onto a plate in a careless manner. You’d love one and hate the other and I always came down in the Floyd camp. However, in the 1990’s, thanks to Ready, Steady Cook, there were more chefs on TV than in restaurants. It became very tricky to pick your favourite as most of them were so dull you really didn’t have an opinion on any of them. I then realised that there was another type of chef, the dull boring chef that creates a fake persona to ‘stand out’ and it is Lawson and Harriot that are the leading examples of this.
I’m not saying that they are bad people, or that they sacrifice small puppies for the location of good truffle hunting grounds, but they appear to go out of their way to be different, by flirting with the camera or doing pelvic thrusts in the direction of a granny. This exaggerated character is worse than being the faceless nobody that most celebrity chefs are as Lawson and Harriot are trying to recreate the personality that Floyd and Smith had in bucketloads, and that really annoys me.
Last week, I found two wine producers from Austria that have become my Delia Smith and Nigella Lawson. One that I dislike with a firey passion, and one that is just trying to draw attention to itself by being different from the crowd, but is, in fact, very dull.
Loimer wines are the Nigella Lawson. Their Gruner Veltliners are so dull, that the only reason anyone would buy them is because they are from Austria and different. If I wanted dull wines I could pick any number of wines from any number of countries that would cost a significant amount less.
Take the 2007 Lois Kamptal Gruner Veltliner. It would cost around the £8 mark and it was like smelling and sucking on a pear drop. It was clean enough, and the finish was pleasant. But it was boring. Then there was the 2007 Loimer Kamptal Gruner Veltliner (£9.99), it was pretty much the same but instead of having confected pears, it had soft, underripe pears. You noticed it was a better wine, but was still boring. Finally, the single vineyard 2006 Loimer Terrassen Gruner Veltliner. Again, slightly better, but so, so dull. I guess, just because the quality was getting better, I’d say I disliked the single vineyard wine least, but I just couldn’t get passionate, in an excessive positive or negative way, about any of them.
However, the red wines from Loimer are my Delia Smith. I hated them! And for that, in a weird masochistic way, I applaud them! The 2004 Heinrich Red (£9) was all bubblegum on the nose, so confected, with terrible cranberry juice hints. The palate was insipid. So weak with more bubblegum. It is a terrible little wine. Then I went onto the 2006 Heinrich Burgenland Zweigelt (£12.50) which had stewed raspberries, a confected sweetness on the nose. The palate, like the other wine, is thin and confected. It has no tannin, and is far too bitter. And despite my total dislike for these red wines, they at least made me pay attention and that is far far better than them being boring.
There is hope however for both Austrian wines and celebrity chefs. Emerging from the mass of annoying cooks is Jamie Oliver. Having left his little cheeky cockney chav persona behind and become more of a 30 something family man, Oliver has become a lot more tolerable, and also a lot more annoying. His appeal to the UK public has become polarised over his school dinner and chickens being kept in cages campaign and as a result, he is leading the way, with Gordon Ramsay and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, back to ‘love-em-or-hate-em’ chefs. Similarly, there is one wine that shows hope to these two producer’s wines. The Loimer 2007 Kamptal Riesling, while not being perfect, shows promise. It has a light, limey aroma – a touch of lime cordial on the palate then a full on citrus attack. Zesty and with a very long, lemony finish. It’s not brilliant, but it is a nice wine and full of character, which, while not being everyone’s cup of tea, makes it so much better than the rest of these Austrian wines. It isn’t a Keith Floyd, and never will be, but it has started petitioning number ten to ban turkey twizzlers and has the potential to become interesting.
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